31.12.2013

morning

Battery 2

I found it quite revealing to use these experiences with my practice in order to reflect on the way “we” relate to people. What is “relating” when you resist? What kind of becoming is possible when we let the other “invade” us (here the weight of the objects)? In the two questions I come a lot to think about the pharmacological aspect. In the sense that resistance or “letting go” have their healing and poisonous sides. So how to create a dynamic for a transitional space between self and other that keeps the two sides of its pharmakon open?

30st evening

Battery 1

After 3 volunteers and 2 boxes exhausted. My body starts to complain. Back hurts like hell. But hope is working for me. These circumstances, the work, the forced trust and surrender to the caretakers and the machine, it does start to produce a kind of joyful and intense clarity. Reaching out over past and future, centering in the very now. It is a peaceful plea, but with an enormous energetic potential.

30.12.2013 morning

Battery 1

When I was talking about hunger in the last entry I was talking about “feeling hungry”. Off course the effects of anxiety and groundlessness were initiated by the practice of “not eating”, but I was not “hungry”: not craving for food. I only had the anxiety effects, and a deeply spiritual moment. To make the difference is taking a leave from the direct attachment, psychological demand to be full, I think. To let go of the idea that not having something is a bad thing. To, in that way, discover another kind of freedom.

Battery 2

I just finished my meditation-body-practice of the day. For the first time I let things happen in the time needed besides knowing the schedule ahead, which means letting the machine adopt its own agenda for the sake of its change and renewal. And it feels as if I am levitating – me and the machine suspended by the care of time. Living each step of the doing here in its fullness of time.

29th evening

Battery 2

People are all the time curious about what is the great enlightenment, discovery or understanding about being here so long. It seems that they want to hear something of abundance. But what I access here as understanding, opening, learning process or challenge is not a sensational or extraordinary one, quite the contrary, the battery seems to activate an ordinary understanding of life. Not ordinary in the sense of banal but in the sense of time in the body, which happens and is accessed every day. Ordinary in the sense of “lived.” Being here is about embracing the quality of time at every second: trying to remove all the layers that don’t allow the “being here” to happen.