01.01.2014

Battery 2, very early morning

I am here, inside and outside. I did dress up, I am not screaming or drinking beer. I am drinking tea. I decided to read a book during the transition of one year to the other. (…) This book is not for you to read but for you to be. And that’s exactly what happens when you read her. You are. You are what you are reading. You are pulled into the momentum of an instant, as if she can strech the speed of an instant which is ungraspable into a graspable instant of reality. (…) But what about the people dressed up, screaming, drinking, celebrating euphoric the relief of closing a year and he promisses and hopes for a bombastic new beginning. Why does it need to be bombastic? They are here again, knocking on my window. They are bombastically looking at me and I am curiously looking at them. They ask me when I will be free again and I answer, if “free” is being outside then in three days. They leave, I stay. (…) The world outside seems so conceptual. They walk, they come, they go, they enter the car, they drive the car, they smoke, they pass, they go, go and go somewhere. When we all agree that there is an end and a beginning, it becomes even more conceptual from here. (…) And I close my curtain. I can still hear them. I open the curtain and put my sleeping mask on. I love to look at them from behind the mask. It’s a nice perverse thing because they are looking at me but they don’t know that I am also looking at them. This way I can really see how they look at me. There is a kind of freedom in it.

Battery 1, midday

I had a wonderful new year’s night. I started by cutting my hair with this little pair of scissors, think I wanted to state the intention to let go off vanity in the next year, to let go off what I do not really need (like hairdressers), to make a start on the poverty practices. It felt really good, concrete and interesting. Not sure what it looks like though. Then I curled up with a book on Zen practice, and it was one of these moments when everything seems to make sense, and you really get some of these Zen riddles. And in the middle of all the chaos outside I felt so happy and calm.

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