The questions and angsts that hunt me here are not so different from the ones outside the battery. Specially the angst of not being in pace with the present but only in the untuned future.
A bird told me I shouldn’t conceptualize my experience here. I told the bird that the only way for me to break down this dichotomy between body and mind is to intersect them as much as I can. To allow them both the experience of existing and the conceptualization of such an experience as experience itself. Without an order that refers to them as an evolutive logic of a process = experience.
So instead a narrative of transition and overlaps between one another without letting them subjugate to one another, allowing them to occupy each others role. As if an experience could be the conceptualization of a thought and a thought a conceptualization of an experience.
You lost me with the last one. I didn’t fully understand. Or maybe I read it wrong.
I had a difficult hunger. Not because of the hunger, which was fine, but because I lacked some weight, something to hold me down. I became all air, lost sight of where I was, got panicked, my heart rate skyrockening, developing a kind of instant fear.
The body is indeed i,portant here, to keep me grounded, to not let the mind fly off and become disorientated and anxious.
I am working with a lot of volunteers now. It’s hard to share the practice with you, since he rituals are so personal and in themselves don’t say a lot (a needle, a piece of cloth, some perls). I send you the celebration dress. Maybe for New Year’s? Let’s pick up the rhythm of the books again. Send me the green one tomorrow and from the day after we’re back on track. I’m anyway a bit exhausted, out of words. I feel they no longer speak, but just utter fluttering sounds. Which has a lot to do with how I see my future i guess …