is hard indeed. Literally . But also the cold, the men. It is like this place switches identity overnight. Jekyll and Hide. The beauty and warmth of the people during the day. The alcohol, sexism and territoriality at night. It is hard to stay vulnerable in those circumstances. I now change myself into a big blob with the army blanket as an outer skin. Completely opposite to the fragility of the sleeping body, now there is this kind of wurm-monster in its cage. If it is warmer I will go back maybe to the surrender, the exposure that I hope would break the aggressivity. But then again, there is not so much to say to the drunk guy. Just accept it as part of the experience I guess.
I decided to go back to 3 sessions per day. I am now getting intimacy with the objects and with the differences among volunteers.It is indeed much better when they come back and the relations with the practice show their effects. I am now asking them to come in blindfolded already. So they enter the battery blind and then choose their material-object through touch. I am very impressed by the solid bounderies in relation to th senses some people have. It’s sad but at the same time hopefull because it means that there is a lot in there to explore. Some people can already connect a lot with the loss of their territoriality and of the one of the objects. The doubt of where does the body end and where does the object start is already there. When you see it happening, this is beautiful. You see the “I” i. the sense of a “person” dismantling in front of you. It’s subtle and rare , but when it happns it is clearly there.
I am sometimes in doubt if i can go much deeper with this practice here. I think yes, in the sense of sharpening th relation with the volunteers, the way inlisten for them for example. But in relation to the space, I have my doubts. The fact that they enter the battery is super strong, good, it works, since it is a membrane itself, a body which is living and being lived intensively. But when there is too much happening in the Bureau, I wonder if it is not what makes them too aware of themselvs …awareness which is hard to break in order to propose something else. (…)